Inconsolable

Today Ellie really scared me. She first threw a fit when we told her Cas had to go back to her mom's house and go to school. The poor thing only sees her sister 4 days a month and it's really taking a toll on her.

Then about 2 hours after she left we were sitting on the bed playing with a unicorn and a doll and having a great time. Then she left she broke out in a screaching inconsolable desperate cry. She was pretty much incoherent and wouldn't stop crying. She would only say sister and cry. At first I begged her to stop crying and then I realized she needed to cry, so I told her "It's ok to cry, kick scream, whatever she wanted." She kept buring her face in her pillow like she didn't want me to watch her cry. When I would look into her eyes they were so desperate, it was so sad and heartbreaking. This went on for about 20 minutes and I just rubbed her back and talked softly to her. I thought she was going to go to sleep but she finally snapped out of it.

Now when the doll (aka me playing with the doll) asks her what mad her so sad and cry and she says "Mama." I am not even sure she understands what happened. I know I didn't make her cry and I am not sure why she says that. When the doll asks her if Mama was mean she says no.

My poor baby is going to go through this for the rest of her life and I have NO way of protecting her from it.

Now I am heartbroken.