Dot

Doug's grandma passed away today. She has been very sick for a very long time. We knew the time was close. She had been in and out of the hospital.

Here are some poems I like and want to post for her.


Seventy-six times have these eyes beheld the changing scene of autumn.
I have said enough about moonlight,
Ask no more.
Only listen to the voice of pines and cedars when no wind stirs.
~Unknown


All Return Again
It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die,
but only retire a little from sight and afterwards return again.
Nothing is dead; men feign themselves dead,
and endure mock funerals and mournful obituaries,
and there they stand looking out of the window, sound and well, in some new strange disguise. Jesus is not dead; he is very well alive; nor John, nor Paul, nor Mahomet, nor Aristotle;
at times we believe we have seen them all,
and could easily tell the names under which they go.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Peace my heart...Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.
~Rabindranath Tagore

I am not there

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

Mary Frye

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3.1-8: A Time for Everything

Cassie's Streaky Hair

That's what she and Ellie call it. She got her hair highlighted blonde and red. It was a birthday gift from Grandpa Dan (my dad) but her mom said she had to wait until school was out.

Before & After

There was a girl in there about Cassie's age who was very jealous. At first she was asking her mom if she could dye her hair and holding up different colors. Her mom said no to all of them and told her she was too young. Then the girl kept getting closer to us and staring at Cassie. Then she started talking to Ellie and by the end she was right next to the sink within inches of Cassie while her hair was being rinsed. I kind-of felt bad for her.

Happy Birthday Doug!

I told Doug he was not getting anything for his birthday, but in reality we surprised him with a tattoo. He has been wanting to get the Chinese symbols for the girls' chinese zodiac's, Cassie is a Tiger, Ellie is a Ram (or goat/sheep) and Elyza is a pig. (in order of age in the image to the left)

Throughout the week he kept bugging me saying that he wanted a tattoo and I kept telling him no. I had already put down a deposit, made an appointment and bought him a gift certificate. So on Saturday after Ellie's baseball I told him Cassie has her appointment to get her hair done, so we grabbed a pizza and sat at the park for a quick lunch. After lunch we gave him his card and gift. So I dropped him off at the tattoo house and brought Cas to get her hair done. The scary part is that Cassie's hair took TWICE as long!


I will have to update with real pictures of it on his arm.

No Handlebars

This is one of Ellie's favorite songs. Handlebars by the Flobots.
It's actually a really good song wiht a good message if you listen to the words.




I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

And I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
Cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die from exasperation
Have'em all healed from their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
Because I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Green bean brows?

Remember the Banana uni-brow?

Well the other day it was green bean eyebrows. Thankfully I did not get green beans stuck to my face by this creative little 5-year old.

She was eating green beans with dinner tonight and she put them up and said "Our eyebrows are shorter like this except brown."

I am so glad she compares her food to eyebrows.

Look Who's Standing!

Elyza has been pulling herself up for a bit over a week now. She mostly does it on me or Doug, sometimes on other stable objects (like the bathtub!)

She is not quite ready to cruise on things yet, but she loves to stand up! She is still up on her tip toes alot and needs to learn to balance better. But she's so proud of herself when she gets herself up!

Pat-a-cake

Elyza has been doing pat-a-cake for a while now, but until today she would only do it with someone else's hands (or feet!) She would take our hands and put them together, or her feet, or a baby doll's hands. It was pretty sweet.

But the other day she did it with her own hands. She doesn't quite have clapping down but it is what she is doing, because she starts putting her hands together when you start singing patty cake.

She is such a doll.

The photo above: Ellie likes to put Elyza in this bucket and scoot her around the house. Elyza loves it! The other day she put Cooper in there with her. It was pretty cute.

Father's Day

Father's Day was yesterday. We started off the morning early, well at least I did. Miss Elyza decided 6:30am was a grand time to get up, it really wasn't! I finally got my butt out at about 7:15am and started breakfast. I made Doug sausage, biscuts and gravy. I made myself a bit of potatoes and some scrambled eggs. Ellie at eggs and sausage, Cassie ate eggs and biscuts with jam. Miss Elyza ate some of everything. Everyone was happy.

Then I told DH he needed to cut his hair, it was getting long, like almost 1/16 of an inch (lol) but Ellie didn't want him to, until he told her she could cut his hair. So Cas played with Elyza, I trimed the dogs and Ellie cut Daddy's hair.

For dinner Doug's Dad, Angie and his brother and sister came over. We grilled flank steak and asparagus, portobellos, pineapple and teriyaki chicken (yes, all of that was grilled.) We also had potato salad, pasta salad, ungrilled pineapple and watermelon.

I framed the picture of the girls in the tulips and they made him cards. That is now tradition, a framed picture of the girls in the tulips. It was a nice day, I hope!

Imperfections

Why is it that you wanted me more on
the night I was leaving
than you ever wanted me
before?

Does pain bring people
closer together than
pleasure?

Are we more afraid of
living together than of
dying alone

Does distance unite people more deeply
than familiarity?

Is it as though our hunger
is to be hungry and
our real need is
to be missed

It's no accident that the songs
that sell the most
are sad.

-Merrit Malloy

Sketti anyone?

Elyza had her first Spaghetti dinner last night. When I say FIRST spaghetti dinner I mean I put the noodles and sauce on the highchair tray and let her have at it.

Needless to say she loved it! She is getting very independent with eating and she loves to feed herself. She is almost 10 months old and we pretty much let her eat whatever we are eating. And so far she eats pretty well.

I am going to have to dig up pictures of Ellie's first spaghetti dinner's too.

More pictures you ask? Me? Never!

As you can see she gets progressively messier. . .

And of-course video's. She was starting to get fussy before I remembered I didn't take videos!

I just realized that my last blog about Elyza it was about her eating watermelon. I swear she does other things besides eat, I think anyway. And I promise next time I blog about her it won't be about eating.... well... I promise I will try to make it about something else other than eating!

Makin' dinner with Mama

Last Sunday night Ellie helped me make brownies and then she helped me make dinner. It was a really nice time cooking with her. The whole process actually kept her attention the whole time. She's getting SO big! She even did her chore of emptying the utensil container for the dishwasher. You can still see the chocolate smeared on her face from licking the spoon when we made brownies.

She was so excited because I let her use a sharp knife to cut up mushrooms. She told me a thousand times that the next time I need mushrooms cut and I have to watch the stove and I can't cut them I can come get her, i don't have to ask Daddy. Then she told me "I know I told you this a thousand times mom, but the next time you need mushrooms cut....." God she's adorable. She did a good job chopping mushrooms too and I will of-course let her help with chopping next time too. I have a great little helper. I love the person she is becoming.

Uni-what?

Ellie came up to me the other day and stuck a banana on my forehead (see above)

Then she said "Some people have eyebrows just like this, except they are brown."

Where does she get this stuff?

And for the record we are not making fun of unibrow's, I could have one if I wanted to.

Basic Math

I'm old-fashioned

I still believe that people

can stay married

for the rest of their lives

as long as they do it

with one person

at a time.

-Merrit Mallow

Give me away

When I die if you need to weep
Cry for your brother or sister
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me put your arms around anyone
And give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something
Something better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I've known or loved
And if you cannot give me away
At least let me live in your eyes and not on your mind.

You can love me most by letting hands touch hands
By letting bodies touch bodies
And by letting go of children that need to be free.

Love doesn't die, people do
So when all that's left of me is love
Give me away.

-Merritt Malloy

Ellie's Beau - Snippet Número Dos

Ellie took this photo the other day so I had to use it. Gavin doesn't even like his picture taken, but he would probably do anything for Ellie.

She has him wrapped around her little finger. While I am not sure if it's intentional I think she knows it. The other day they were playing and overheard is "Ellie, just tell me what you want to play, how I can make you happy." Isn't that what every girl wants to hear?

I found a little ring the other day and I asked her if it was hers. She decided that it was hers and Gavin gave it to her when they were three, and she is going to wear it and love it F-O-R-E-V-E-R, I must say that she has had it on now for three days, which is a long time for a 5-year old. They barely knew eachother at three so I am not sure where that came from. She calls it a stone heart ring as it has little hearts on it that she says look like stones.

When we were leaving their house a couple weeks ago he told her that he wanted three, yes three, kisses. She did not want to kiss him, perhaps because I was standing there. As she gets older she learns sexuality and right now she's unsure of that. So she gave him a hug but when he tried to kiss her she turned her head and ran away.

And then the other day (the slug day) he wanted a hug and a kiss. She told him her hands were too dirty (from holding the slugs) and she couldn't hug him. He cried, I think it was a pretend cry, but I am not sure she knew this. But still she wouldn't even hug him. But then the next day they played again, and when we were leaving I turned back to see if she was following me and she was giving him a hug AND a kiss.

Silly little kids, they are so cute.

Original Ellie's Beau entry.

I've learned

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

Miss Elyza's Watermelon

Just in the past week or so Elyza has been feeding herself. It's so fun to watch her grow. Something just clicked one day and she started picking up food to feed herself. Before that she would put my hand to her mouth when I was holding food and open her mouth for food, but never pick it up and eat it.

Last night Ellie and I were eating watermelon. I bit off a tiny piece and gave it to her, she spit it out, she wanted a big piece. So I gave her a big piece and she munched on it and loved it!

Here is Miss Elyza having a big piece of watermelon..

TA-DA . . . The Playroom

First it was Cassie's room, I painted it for her 3 years ago, it was multicolored, Fuscia, blue, green, yellow and purple.

The the "people under the stairs" used it for awhile, still painted as it was before.


After that the room was trashed. The floors was nasty, way nastier than before. The walls were colored on and nasty, there was even food, yes food on the ceiling.


We decided that since Cassie had no desire to sleep downstairs we would make it into a playroom. We did every last bit of work ourselves.


We ripped out the carpet and laid laminate. We primed and painted. Primer although sometimes seems like a waste, it's cheaper than paint and we had to cover the darkly painted walls. We painted a chalkboard with chalkboard paint on the wall. In case you didn't notice it is supposed to look like an old sign, we were going for a semi-pirate theme. We plan on painting a sun and some greenery on the wall and a pirate skull on top of the chalkboard pole.

We also changed it from having a cheapo ceiling fan to a nice light. A ceiling fan where kids are going to be playing, rough it not the wisest idea.

We brought in a play and slide structure from outside. It has a trampoline, another slide, toys, the carebear couch, the sit and spin, all that big stuff. The toys are in the closet, but we removed the doors.

Not quite finished with all of our plans but we love it so far and the kids can play in there!

BEFORE/DURING:

AFTER:

Live like you were dying

He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?

An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

He said "I was finally the husband,
"That most the time I wasn’t.
"An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
"Wasn’t such an imposition,
"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
"Well, I finally read the Good Book,
"And I took a good long hard look,
"At what I'd do if I could do it all again,
"And then:

"I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?

"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I watched Blue Eagle as it was flyin'."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."

Even if you are not a country music fan then just read the words, they could change your life.

A friend and I were talking the other day.... oh you know the usual topics like... the crap they put into the stuff we eat (or should we say the stuff they want us to eat,) what we do to our bodies, modern medicine, etc., when we realized that out of the 4 adults in that house, all under 35, only one of us would be alive today without modern medicine. Two of us would have died from cancer, and the other the during childbirth.

So this is coming from one of those who would have died from cancer. My situation although a bit unique and almost an after-thought of "hey that tumor we removed, yeah, well, it was cancer..." was still life-changing. And now more than 5 years later I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been revisiting my past in many ways, thinking about those lingering "what-if's" remembering those I have known, loved, lost and those whom have been by my side through it all.

I have recently learned a lot.. about life. About lessons of love, fear, anger, respect, loss, forgiveness, trust, friendship, courage, maturity/youth... I have learned alot about myself. I am a stronger person for that. The road to learning those lessons is not always pleasing, it's a hard long path, but today, knowing what I know now, I am looking forward to the day when I learn more of life's lessons.

I have had some recent healing on a past relationship, I was able to say some things to that person that I regretted not saying before and I found (and said) some things that I didn't even know were in me. I came to terms with feelings I had been avoiding. I gave forgiveness. I chose to remember the best in someone who hurt me. I realized that I can love without being "in-love" and that it's okay to do that. I believe that if you truly love someone you never stop loving them. You can fall out of love with someone, but you do not stop loving them and it's ok to admit that, it's ok to feel that way. I believe that fear should be thrown to the roadside when you care about someone. Honesty in yourself and others is important when it comes to telling someone how you really feel, and what you want & need from them. I have visited the lessons life has taught me thus far and doing so I have become more thankful for the wonderful things I have in my life.

I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying. I have lived like I was dying.

And someday I hope YOU get the chance to live like you were dying.

A handful of. . .

What say you?

I know you are dying to find out what Ellie has a handful of.... yeah, that's my adventure seeker, tom boy, I am not afraid of anything little 5 year old girl.

Here is a closer look...

And there you have it, slugs... 4 of them, that's all she could fit in her hands, she wanted to hold all 6 that she found. but mom wouldn't pick any up to put in her hands and she couldn't get the other two with a handful of slugs.

Thanks Tiara for the suggestion she should take them home, but they are ALL yours! I told her when we see you next she could play with them.

Oh how I love her. . .

I found this photo the other day. Last summer Doug found this scenario in Ellie's room.

We weren't sure if we should be disturbed, or laugh... we chose laughter.

And again today it made me smile.

The Shiner

Last Tuesday at a friend's house Ellie being, well, Ellie jumped off the top of her slide. . . where her head met a pile of slate. Yes it was on purpose, would you expect anything less from Ellie?

I have to admit, when Gavin came in and told me Ellie was hurt I didn't even move my butt from the couch where I was folding Tiara's laundry. I thought she might be acting a little dramatic since that's how she had been the past few weeks. Tiara and Nichole went out and came back in, and Ellie had a huge huge egg on her head already. We iced it and the swelling got a bit better. And in a matter of minutes she was playing again. These pictures were what it looked like Saturday, 4 days after it happened.

This IS the same girl we are talking about who said "Look mom no hands!" on the swing last summer, then flew off and broke her arm... less than three weeks before baby Elyza was born.

She's mobile...

Elyza is mobile now.. she does an army crawl, on her chest, using mostly with her arms to pull herself along. She's so stinking cute.